Why adults date other marrieds?
Talk about a loaded subject that no one wants to speak about, that’s it. Amusing thing, extramarital affairs have been going on since the beginning of the world. Extramarital affairs can be loaded with troubles, cause misery, and other problems. Also you should wrap your maind around all the other issues, there’s that truth and openness issue, money, age dissimilarity, faith upbringing, shame, and on and on. I expect there will be some strong opinions about some of this.
For the intention of this post I shall define an affair as a long term, maybe months long relationship of a sexual nature between two people of whom one or both are married to other persons, date married.
Why do married people have affairs? There are as many reasons as there are women seeking an affair. I think mostly though it is just the human condition, the need for care, belonging, to be wanted and cared for, the caring for others and wanting to be loved and loved. Here are a several explanations I have run across.
Naturally we as humans are all sexual creatures. Nature has us set up to reproduce, to have sex. Sex is pleasurable and exciting, and sex makes us flee the world for a short period of time. This euphoria exists for whatever amount of time we are able to keep the adrenalin levels elevated enough. Some people can turn the craving on and off, some are brilliant at controlling it and others are so-so at best. But we all have it, young and mature, able bodied and not so able. It is the Human condition. For some of us it is the sex act itself that drives us. For some of us it is the excitement of the hunt. For some of us it is the seduction, for some it is the caring for another person, for some it is the longing to be appreciatedloved, for some it is the entire romance thing. These wishes and yearnings can be so strong they prevail over the taboos people has erected against extramarital affairs. For lots of people the yearnings will beat their doubts and make them risk the anger of not only their relatives, but society also. So why, what is the method?
Sex Addicts, perhaps some of us are. Sex is very pleasant, better then drugs, a natural high. If you are in this group of physically motivated sex addicts and can find away to have an affair and not wound your spouse or anybody else? You would need to lessen the threat you are taking. If you have the approach that a good affair is one that is beneficial to everyone, then good luck.
No love at home, or no romance. I suppose this is the major group, huge actually. There are many couples whose marital relationships is over, except they feel comfortable in the manner they live, and upsetting the extended families is not on their list of things they wish to do. You love your other half but there is no romance. Also there are the kids to think about. Your assets are so entangled. You need the medical insurance, and so on. There are a lot of reasons to live jointly besides love and sex.
Physical reasons, there are some people who can not have sex. They have physical circumstances that prevent them completing the sex operation, at least not with their spouse. An extramarital affair sometimes solves the difficulty while keeping the marriage uharmed.
Avoidance, sadly this is a regular cause I fear. One or the other, frequently the guy is sexually neglecting his wife for a number of reasons. As a man I really appreciate you guys neglecting your wives and making them available to us males of romance, making them “hot milfs” But I still think it is despicable that you are neglectful. Then there is the spouse who is neglectful until the wife or husband has an affair, then they condemn them for doing so, when they where the catalyst. Those who neglect, then condemn, are not just neglectful, but evil.
Something is just missing in the marriage, I can not put my finger on it, but its not there. Probably its romance that is missing, could be it is a shortage of love, maybe caring is vanished, maybe it is the intimacy, maybe neglect. Maybe we have simply grown apart, our ordinary interests diverged. Could be it is that what I want, and what I want to do the rest of my life, is diverce of what you want. Could be I simply don’t know what I want from the marriage anymore. Maybe, just maybe I miss that sensation that when I am with you, it just feels right.
The first reason people give is, they search for the passion that is missing and so very much longed for.
There are other reasons, the feeling of power, to get away, for economic gain, for revenge and so on. I am sure there are more reasons why people have affairs then these. I only stop because if this gets too long no one will read it.